A package of natto contains just about 40 grams.  Doing some quick math the sum total amount of natto I have consumed over the last 30 days comes to 1200 grams which, for those of you who find that touching the metric system causes you physical pain and blisters your flesh, is over 2 and a half pounds. 2 and a half pounds of beans and slime.  I have eaten it with mustard, with soy sauce, with mayonnaise and kim chee.  I have consumed it for breakfast, as workout fuel, as dinner and as bedtime snacks.  I have tried almost every single brand of natto they stock at 3 different supermarkets and can tell you the differences between them.  Let no one question my natto credentials. I have earned my wings.

So what have I learned?

1) Natto is gross, but then so are a lot of things when you really think about them.  One of the things which constantly eating natto did was get me thinking about a lot of the other things we routinely consume, and how they’re just as gross and weird.  Is “beans + bacteria = natto” really any weirder than “milk + bacteria = yogurt”? What about the myriad range of cheeses with molds that are not only present, but desirable and indeed an integral part of the flavor.  Let us not even broach mechanically separated meat and the other myriad forms of strange processed foods.  Hell, give me a description of natto and mech-meat side-by-side and I’ll take the natto every day.

2) Natto does not give you superpowers.  It’s damn healthy, don’t get me wrong.  But if you’re looking for a magic bullet to help you lose 40 pounds of fat, put on 50 pounds of muscle, quit smoking, learn French, build a rocket and then perform brain surgery on it, well then I’m afraid you’re SOL.  Now it can certainly help with at least…2 of those things (maybe 3? correlation to smoking or French learning abilities untested), but I’ve got something of a pet peeve for the magic food mentality which has become increasingly common. “It has 10 times the vitamin C of an orange!” Great, maybe if you eat enough of it it will equal a negative cheeseburger.

3) Natto + any other food = Natto.  Ad infinitum. Inclusion in the same meal can produce this effect, even if strict segregation protocols are maintained.  For a food which is not honestly all that strong tasting, it has the uncanny ability to make everything taste like it. You have been warned.

4) We’re mostly bad at things because we think we are.  It’s a recurring theme throughout my time in Japan so far.  I couldn’t eat natto mostly because, well, I assumed I couldn’t eat natto.  But the reality was I couldn’t eat natto, and didn’t even try to eat it, because I assumed I would throw up all over whatever kindly Japanese host was thoughtful enough to give it to me, which would be rude, and embarrassing for everyone involved. Someone would probably have to kill themselves to make up for the shame of it all. A bad scene all around.  Assumptions beget reality.  The implications are staggering.

Meta-implication: Next time there is something you want or need to get done, try ceaselessly drilling the idea that you are absolutely awesome at X, born to do X, and the only way you could fail at X is if the laws of physics themselves changed to spite your birthright.  Now it’s possible that I’m just way better at lying to myself than anyone else who has ever lived, ever, but I do not think this is an isolated phenomenon.  I have always had the vague sense that my subconscious is toiling away at secret machinations, but shoves them under the bed or something whenever I come by for a visit.  I think that constantly bombarding your subconscious with this kind of positive reinforcement will eventually always start to affect your actual success with that project.  If for no other reason that you aren’t wasting untold hours and days building your own walls with a lousy attitude.

In Conclusion

The mission was by and large, a success. We’ll see over the coming weeks if I continue to consume natto in any form. I’m keeping a few packs around for snacks, since it really shines as an appetite killer when you get hungry at odd times.

All in all, a pretty fun way to spend a month, albeit it wasn’t like every waking hour of my time needed to be devoted to natto related activities (now that would be a challenge).  I’ll be spending the next few weeks entertaining random guests to the island while paradoxically trying to avoid spending any money outside these guests so I can make the most of my Summer vacation and the Japannanigans I have planned.  Stay tuned.